“If a Cute Girl Buys You a Shirt, You’re Gonna Get Laid”

I’ll start posting Halloween contest entries soon.  In the meantime, a story with a moral.  This weekend I was out a bar, and got talking to a young man who said he would be interviewed for my website.  “Samuel” told me that he usually wears jeans from the Gap and white cowboy-style shirts.  His source for these shirts is that “a bunch of girls give ’em to me.”  They’re informal gifts; for example, maybe a female friend will find a nice shirt for cheap at a thrift store, and buy it for him.  I asked Samuel if he believes items someone else picks out for you are more successful — for such is my intuition — and he agreed with me.  “If a cute girl buys you a shirt, you’re gonna get laid, sooner or later.”  (That’s not the moral of the story, though.)

Vintage cowboy shirt

Vintage cowboy shirt

Another cowboy shirt

Another cowboy shirt

Gap jeans

Gap jeans

Only a week earlier, this principle had proven itself true.  He was “sittin’ at the bar wearing what I was wearin’, and I went home with someone.”  The woman was wearing what he describes as “nice butt-lookin’ jeans.”

This sounded promising, but my source became reticent when I tried to find out the full story.  For example, I asked him where he knew this woman from, and he said “from sex before” that they had had.  When was the first time they hooked up, and what was hear wearing then?  He wasn’t saying.  Instead he started making comments like “I probably shouldn’t be talking about this.”  I explained to him that he shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk to me about private matters, because I’m like a doctor, or an anthropologist.   Samuel wasn’t having it.  He adopted a suspicious, “Joe the Plumber”-like attitude.

At one point, he mentioned that the woman in the butt-lookin’ jeans is a friend’s ex-girlfriend.  This led me to think that affair had begun with some clandestine sneakin’ around, and that’s why he woudn’t discuss it, but at the time I didn’t care what the reason was; I was just mad at him for being a bad interviewee.  I was like “you’re even worse than that Gumby guy!”  This seemed to infuriate him more than anything, because he was all like “NO!!“.  (I don’t think he knew who the Gumby guy was; he claimed not to own a computer.)  Anyway, the moral is:  Don’t be a prima donna about getting interviewed for this blog.  You’re only blocking the advance of science if you do that.


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