“He Was Trying to Take the Clothes Off Me Because They Were So Ugly”

Today’s story is hella poignant: “Evadne” and her boyfriend recently broke up after a two-year relationship, but I nevertheless got her to provide the details of their first night of reckless passion. That makes these memories bittersweet, because it’s bitter that the beautiful love uniting two people could fade and wither, but it’s sweet as hell that someone got laid.

Evadne was living in San Francisco, and on the night in question, she was celebrating her 30th birthday party at a rooftop bar in the Mission district. In fact, what actually happened was that she thought she was meeting a few friends for a birthday dinner, but instead they had planned a surprise party! So she walked into the bar and people were all like “Surprise!” or whatever. The way she tells it, being startled in this way got her really rattled for some reason. She was having a hard time enjoying the party, so she sat down and drank a pitcher of Sangria in a very short time. Somebody brought “Gustav” to the bar later in the evening; he was a friend of some friends that she already sort of knew. He sat down next to her, and it’s not difficult for sparks to fly between two people in the condition that they were in: “We got really, really trashed.”

They went home to Gustav’s place at around 2 a.m., and she left at 1 or 2 the next afternoon, after which “it was very painful to go to work.” When they first got together, she didn’t pick Gustav for any special reason, but because she needed a talking/drinking buddy, and “he was, like, amenable.” This website is a work of journalism/science, and both of those disciplines are about asking great follow-up questions, so I asked her, “so it started out as a random hookup, and then you found out you had things in common?” She said, “well, we found out we like to fuck in the same way, i.e. for a long time, and all the time.” Ha! Don’t you hate it when somebody tells you some twee bullshit about what they’re looking for in a partner, like “oh, tee hee, I like boys who wear glasses, and love NPR and bicycles as much as I do!”? That’s why this site always features “real talk” about dating and relationships.

As for the clothes, Evadne says that at the time she had not cultivated a sense of personal style for leisure activities, so “he was trying to take the clothes off of me because he thought they were so ugly.” She was wearing “bad Gap jeans” (she reminds us that two years ago was the heyday of ultra-dark denim, like almost black but not quite), a simple black shirt from Ann Taylor, and BCBGirls pumps. This doesn’t sound so bad, but she says Gustav conceived an irrational hatred of the shoes. Here’s the outfit:

Ann Taylor shirt

Ann Taylor shirt

Dark Gap jeans

Dark Gap jeans

BCBGirls black pumps

BCBGirls black pumps


7 Responses to ““He Was Trying to Take the Clothes Off Me Because They Were So Ugly””

  1. Hi there, I work for an Irish radio station and I think this blog would be of major interest to our listeners. I’m hoping that you might be available for interview? Great blog, keep it up! Mary

  2. Fantastic site! I just love it. Too bad I can no longer remember what I wore when I was having random encounters!

  3. uberuberminx Says:

    When a man and woman are in the heat, the clothes that they are wearing is no longer a concern! 🙂

    Great read by the way! Enjoyed the laugh thoroughly!

  4. Or a man and a man, a woman and a woman, or one or more transgendered people; it’s important not to be heterosexist.

  5. […] “I’m hearing-impaired!” Maybe he just didn’t want to be overheard by Evadne, Bjorn, and Bjorn’s girlfriend, who were sitting right there, but I didn’t think of […]

  6. […] the subject of today’s story, is qualified to talk about that. I got a tip from Evadne that Molly has an amazing shirt capable of getting her laid every time she wears it, and it turned […]

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