Cougar Fever, Pt. II

Hey ladies/gay men, have you ever said to yourself, “I’d like to meet someone different from the usual guys I meet. Someone who’s educated and does writing and art, like maybe he has a graduate degree in literature. But he should have a really rugged, capable-seeming job, like a stablehand or something. But not be TOO outdoorsy, because I want to live in a cool city. Oh, and it would be nice if he was Jewish.” This combination of items sounds like an absurd wish-fulfillment fantasy, but in fact it describes the subject of today’s anecdote; “Mellors” is living in Philadelphia, working with horses and writing a book about farming. He was kind enough to write to me about an encounter he had recently:

“I was talking to this French woman on Myspace not even trying to seduce her.” He had happened upon her profile while surfing around Myspace at random, and messaged her about her academic work. “She was older and it didn’t seem as though we’d ever meet. At one point in our lengthy correspondence she told me that her ex-husband’s lover had photographed herself all over the house, in all manner of desperate postures (slung over the banister, etc.); and so in response I photographed myself in a series of similar (if not at all similar) poses. The hoodie was only partially unzipped, yet this seemed relevant. It was a Gap hoodie, somewhat too big for me. Anyway we wound up meeting and having sex on the floor in a hallway in an office building downtown late at night. Which is a whole other story. Or actually just another part of the same story.”

We don’t know the rest of the story because Mellors “didn’t feel like” writing a long e-mail about it. Nevertheless, there are a few things we can learn from this account:

— People ARE using Myspace as a dating tool! I thought that had stopped working, if it ever did, because everybody’s got their profiles set to “private” or whatever. Also, when I go on there I am usually too busy filling out 95-question surveys and posting them as bulletins to look at profiles, like I used to do back in the mid-2000’s. Maybe I should, though?

Hoodies have shown up repeatedly in these pages. Is it because they have some seductive potential, perhaps suggesting that the wearer is not trying too hard? Or is it just because people wear them so often? For example, if I were writing this blog in the sixteenth century,* would every entry begin “I was out at my favorite tavern, clad in my gray doublet and black hose, which I got at Anglican Apparel”? Or if I were writing it in 32,000 B.C., in the form of Paleolithic cave paintings,** would everyone I talked to be all like “well, I was wearing my favorite hides from an auroch I killed…”? Just what is it about hoodies?

*In which case it would take the form of a sonnet sequence. In fact, when you think about it, Sir Phillip Sidney’s Astrophil and Stella is a total blog. Shakespeare’s Sonnets is one too, but a really fucked-up one, like that Harvard sex blog or something.

**Again, totally the blog equivalents of their time.

Gap hoodie

Gap hoodie


4 Responses to “Cougar Fever, Pt. II”

  1. Not-Leporello in Nashville Says:

    Are you familiar with Leporello’s “catalog aria” from Mozart’s DON GIOVANNI? It’s essentially “The Clothes that Got Me Laid” avant la lettre, only set to music. Think on that, if you would.

  2. Black Label Says:

    A drunk friend once told me the appeal of the hoodie: there’s always the chance that there’s nothing underneath (or that the plain cotton hides vicious lingerie), and all you have to do is pull the zipper down. In effect, it’s the lazy person’s answer to the flasher trench-coat.

    And if the hoodie’s cashmere? All the better for everyone…

  3. My friend and I actually have a running joke about how I seem to get the most action when I’m wearing a sweater type/long sleeved top. In contrast my “lucky” halter top gets me no action- at all- ever….Anyways, I think this blog is awesome! Keep asking the important questions 🙂

  4. Hi
    You shoud be the journalist with your nice talent

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