“I Kept the Kneesocks on During Sex”
“Celia” lives in southern California and is getting a graduate degree in computer science. She is in the process of moving in with her boyfriend, Don. Right now I know way more people who are breaking up than getting together, so hooray for young love! Congratulations, Celia and Don! (Incidentally, while I was chatting with her I mentioned that one study that says in relationships, men initiate more sex, while women initiate more talks about feelings. She said ‘Dude, I do not believe that. I freaking initiate sex all day long.” People, THAT IS THE WAY TO MAKE RELATIONSHIPS WORK.)
Don first asked her out one evening when he ran into her at a beer festival after seven hours of drinking. In her words, he “drunkenly hit on me then disappeared into the night, and later than night I made out with four different people.” On their first date, they went out to dinner and saw the movie Juno. Celia was wearing “this jean skirt that I made out of a pair of old jeans that has an awesome ruffle on the bottom of it, pink striped kneesocks, a free girly shirt I got from Google, and hoodie with a skeleton on it, sort of Donnie Darko-esque.” Dear lord. I never thought I would see the day when people were getting laid wearing free computer t-shirts. If you asked me for my advice, I’d say “whatever you do, don’t wear a free shirt you got from a software company.” I’d like to point out, though, that Celia has very noticeable breasts; they provide a compelling advertisement for any product or service her shirt alludes to, and conversely, any writing that appears on her chest serves to draw attention to them. If you have minimal or nonexistent breasts, this look might not work for you.
When they first went on their date, Celia wasn’t sure if she was into Don. Listen to the clever strategy he used to bring her around: They went back to his house to listen to records, and “he got me drunk on incredibly strong beer.” Sometimes the old ways work best! Celia’s outfit also played its part in the ancient rites of seduction; “Don says my kneesocks were ‘really awesome.’ They were, in fact, so awesome that I kept them on during sex.”