“I Had Cougar Fever”

My friend “Bjorn” (I’m calling him this because he looks like Bjorn Borg) is 27 and studying for a history degree. He is in a long-term open relationship, and last semester while his girlfriend was studying abroad, Bjorn was “studying a broad” (heh) — a lovely woman in her 30s, “Kelly.” They became good friends and did a bunch of datey activities together, like going on hikes and watching DVDs or whatever. She knew he had a girlfriend, and although technically he’s allowed to fool around with whoever he wants, he resisted getting involved with her because he didn’t want to lead her on.

Nevertheless, feelings developed, and Bjorn reports that sexual tension between the two was “smoldering for a long time.” Then one hot summer evening, everything came to a head. Unfortunately I don’t know what went down on that fateful night; Bjorn me all the details the other night at a local drinking establishment, but I was sort of tipsy at the time, and now the only record I have of his story is a bunch of notes I scrawled on an old Bank of America receipt. (For example, I wrote down the remark “could have gone either way,” but I don’t know what he was referring to — WHAT could have gone either way?)

That night, he was over at Kelly’s house, although I don’t know what pretext she used to lure him over there. He admits that he “was dressed really badly.” He was wearing a thrift-store souvenir of Poland t-shirt, baggy mesh athletic shorts, and flip-flops. He was not wearing underwear (again, I don’t know why), and this provided him with a pretext for asking her the classic question “do you have any boxers I can wear?” And she did! They went into her bedroom so he could change into the boxers; they were already making out by this point. “I had cougar fever!” He reports that “that night was really hot,” but when he went back there the next night, expectations were too high or something and it wasn’t that fun — even though he was dressed more stylishly, in black corduroys and an American Apparel windbreaker. He’s new happily living with his girlfriend.

Souvenir of Poland

Souvenir of Poland

Here’s some more

American Apparel windbreaker

American Apparel windbreaker

Black corduroy pants

Black corduroy pants

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4 Responses to ““I Had Cougar Fever””

  1. I love this site. What a brilliant idea.

    I think cougardom begins after 40 though.

  2. agreed with fox, dude who’s 27 and a woman who’s in her “30’s” doesnt equal a cougar relationship. ps – this phrase is tired

  3. In Bjorn’s defense, I think he was amused by she sheer ludicrousness of calling this sweet woman a “cougar.”

  4. […] hearing-impaired!” Maybe he just didn’t want to be overheard by Evadne, Bjorn, and Bjorn’s girlfriend, who were sitting right there, but I didn’t think of this at […]

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